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A Mid-August’s Dream It was the middle of a hot August. I remember driving to pick you up thinking about all the things I would say to try to fix things between us. I thought about how I would hold you in my arms. I thought about whispering the things I feel about you in your ear; and just like every time I tried to say goodbye in the past, couldn't because seeing you made me remember why I loved you, you would do the same for me now... I left the car in the parking lot and walked up to the swing you were sitting on. You had your big black sunglasses on, a yellow shirt and blue jeans. You looked beautiful. I reach into my pocket to make sure the gift hasn't slipped out during the long drive. I run my finger along the contour of it and think of how happy it would make you. A new symbol of our renewed love. I walk up to hug you. You let me, but you don't hug me back. Already I see a tear escape your sunglasses down your cheek. Before I can say anything, you reach into your bag and hand me a little white bear with wings. I look down at it in my hands and I look up with tears in my eyes and with shock and pain written on my face. You kiss me on the cheek and tell me, "I'm sorry but it's over". You start to walk away. I try to turn to stop you, but I look at my hands to see the bear. You disappear around the houses and trees, and the glimpse of your yellow shirt and blue jeans fading from view out of the corner of my eye is the last living image I see of you. I stand paralyzed, all alone, in a schoolyard. I'm afraid to move, for fear the reality of the situation might start to hit me. I reach into my pocket with my right hand and pull out the present that had come to represent our love. I look at the bear in my left hand and the gift in my right. I fall. My knees hit the ground as the tears do. I look up at the sky for a moment, and sit there for a few more. Finally, I pick myself up. I stuff what I was holding into my jeans and get into my car. I turn my music off and listen to the cars passing me by on the highway. I pull into my driveway. I walk up to my door and push through it. My family greets me but I walk past them, stopping briefly to gaze at the wedding photos of my grandparents. Two completely different sets of people. Four unique and beautiful individuals, who's love eventually resulted in two completely different people, two unique and beautiful people who's love gave me life. I think briefly about how two completely different people like me and you fell in love. I walk by them and down my steps to find my bed. I pull the bear out of my pocket and hold it my hand. I lay there for hours ignoring my phone. It's night before I pull my head off the damp pillow. A few days later, I finally manage to shower, shave and eat. I talk to my friends for the first time and soon I'm hanging out with them again. In a couple weeks, I start going to my classes. Still thinking about you every night, I decide to stay in most of the time and study. After a month, I have straight A's in all my classes and I've been playing poker and I've been winning. By New Years, I'm grateful that the year has ended and finally a new and better year could begin. For St. Patrick's Day, we celebrate the holiday in my new apartment on the campus of my new school. A friend of mine introduces me to his beautiful friend. We chat a little over drinking and partying. She moves in close to me on the couch we were sitting on. She rests her head on my shoulder and puts her hand against my chest. I pause for a moment, not thinking anything. Just frozen in a deja vu from a time that felt so far away. Reality splashes against me like ice cold water. I very awkwardly stand up and move over to another group of the party. I notice for the rest of the night, the girl has a disappointed look on her face. I'm just not ready to be romantic with anyone yet. My mind flashes images of what you must look like now and what you must be doing. I check your myspace every now and then, but only get to see a single image of you. Sometimes it's a brand new one and I stop myself from crying seeing how beautiful of a woman you are turning into. Sometimes it's one with you and another guy. You look so happy. It could be a friend, but I know I know better. It breaks my heart to see another man with his arms around you, but at least you look happy. For another month or so, I stay off the tables and blow off my classes. I ignore my calls again, just like back in August. I have a couple friends over finally one night to play some cards. We invite a few people over to hang out while we play. The girl from the party comes. She sits with me as I play, looking at my hands and playing with the chips. When most of the people have left, her and I and two other friends turn out the lights and put on a movie. I kiss her. Her lips don't fit against mine the way yours did. I pull away, realizing that this was a new kiss. The only kiss I could remember was yours. I kiss her again. She leaves after the movie. By August, we've been dating for a month and a half. My poker playing has given me a good life but when I'd come home to my empty apartment in the early hours of the morning, I'd call her to tell her how well I did, excited from the night's win or needing support from a night‘s loss. She responds by yelling at me for waking her up at four in the morning. I hang up the phone, and turn on the computer. I log onto myspace and search for your name. Your profile comes up. "My God," escapes my lips. I see a picture of you that I recognize from a time that seemed so far away. There you are. You're leaned against someone on a couch with a beautiful, innocent smile on your face. Who you're leaning against is cut out of the picture, but I know who it is. I know because I have the other half of that picture tucked away in a hidden folder on my computer. A folder I hadn't opened in months but hadn't had the heart to delete. I rush the cursor to "Send Message" and I begin to type: "Hey, I haven't heard from you in a long time. I hope all is well. I hope school is going good. I think about you every now and then..." Then I hit the power button on my computer. I have no idea what you've been doing, where you've been and what's going on in your life. I convince myself that there's no good that can come from me barging back into your life. The next day I end it with her. She cries to me about not knowing what she did wrong. I try to explain it's just something that wasn't working. She says I broke her heart and I feel like hell for weeks for having done it to someone else. One day, a few weeks after the break up, the word gets to me she's dating a friend of mine. I don't let it bother me. I just think back to the last time I made love to someone. It was in the heat of a late July afternoon and in the heat of a turbulant time between me and the woman I loved. You were so beautiful that day. I feel a shot of pain through my chest. It's New Years Eve again. I've been so busy at the tables, I haven't been seeing much of anybody. I spent a week at home with my parents for Christmas and I still see them every couple days, but other than that I've been focused on poker. I'm getting the car ready for a trip to Wheeling when my friends convince me to go to a party with them. I throw my baggage in the trunk, so that I could see the ball drop and then get to the casino since all the normal action was closed up for the holiday. We get to the party and I grab a Rolling Rock out of the fridge. I greet friends and aquaintences, people I've known for years but don't really feel like I know at all. I sip at my beer while the music makes the floor come alive with vibrations. I talk to people while the whole time checking my watch. It's only 9:30 and I'm ready to leave. I turn to my friend and remark in his ear, "Fuck this. I'm out of here." He grabs me by the arm and says to me with a serious and determined face, "Look. No one gets to see you anymore. I don't get to see you anymore. I'm leaving for school again in a few days. Just celebrate with me." and he holds out another beer. I grab it and slide my keys in to my pocket. I open my beer and the cap rolls away towards the opening door of the apartment. I see a girl walk in and leave the door open. I lean over and ask, "Who's that"? Another friend overhears and yells to me she's a girl from a local university who he invited. He rubs his hands together and says, "Yeah brother, I hope her friends are hot, too." I feel the chill of my beer crawl up my arm and down my spine. Before I can consider the possibility, you walk through the door. You're wearing a lacey black top and blue jeans. You're hair is shorter than I remembered it. You're green eyes sparkle as they open wide as we realize each other immediately. As your other friend walks through the door and closes it, she walks by you frozen, looking at me. I set my beer on the counter and walk over to you. My heart is pounding so hard, I get dizzy walking towards you. I stop a step or two short of you. We briefly look at each other and I hold my breath as I put my arms around you. You fold your arms up into your chest as you put your head against mine. I hold you for a few seconds before pulling you back and asking the same questions any ex asks the other. We find a couch and start talking. Our conversation feels so familiar, as if we'd never stopped talking at all. We tell each other about school, about our successes in what we love to do. I ask you about your love life. You shrug, sipping on your mixed drink. You mention how you met a few guys but none of them ever stuck. I describe my similiar experience and we start to reminisce about times when we were both young and in love. I look down at my watch and realize we'd been talking on that couch for over two hours. Everyone is crowded around the TV as it's moments until the ball drops. I motion over to the TV and we get up and pack into the back of the group. As the large digital countdown clock reaches 00:00:59, I turn to you and say, "You know, I'm not sure that we've ever been able to have a New Year’s kiss together. I don't have anybody to. What do you say?" You're eyes dart away for a moment, then with a small smile you nod your head and slide your left hand into my right. The clock ticks down to twenty seconds and a few people start counting. You look over at the TV and back at me. You notice I'm staring at your eyes. "What?", you say to me. The music dies as the whole room begins to countdown from ten. "Ten!" I smile and as I think to myself... "Nine!" "What? Can't I look at the woman I love?" "Eight!" Before I can say anything, you smile. "Seven" You remember the answer. "Six" You're nose crinkles up and as your lips open, "Five" "No... "Four" You're not allowed... "Three" to look at the woman you love." "Two" I pause, shocked and scared. "One" You lean in to me. Dead silence. Your lips lock against mine. My hand runs through your hair and holds the back of your head as your hands hold tight to my back. We kiss deeply and passionately. This kiss still feels familiar. Your lips still remember mine. It hasn't changed. We stay in this kiss for what seems like minutes. Completely alone in a room with no one else in it. There's no sound around us. I open my eyes as we break away from one another and stare into the emerald jewels that are yours. I hold you in my arms, as a tear climbs down each of our cheeks. The sound rushes in around us like water breaking down a dam. Noise makers and screaming break through the air. We take a moment to catch our breaths and we walk out the door of the apartment. We sit down on a step and you sit against me. The January cold nips at your selection of outfit and I wrap you in my coat. We sit in silence for a while, until I finally say, "The last time I saw you--". You stop me but I persist. "The last time I saw you, I had planned to give you something. I thought it would represent our love for the rest of our lives and maybe past them." I squeeze my hand past the leather of my coat that you have so tightly wrapped around you're body and pull the wallet out of my breast pocket. The indentation of a heart clearly shows through the worn, black leather. I say nothing more. I pull it out of my wallet and hand it to you. Your eyes well with tears as you open it to see something as a whole, something you’ve only seen divided for the last year and a half. You close it and hold it tightly in your hand and bury yourself into my arms. I close my eyes and feel the gap of the all that time lost close. We kiss again and I recommend going back to my apartment. We return to my place and before much can be said we're making love in my bed. As the early morning of the new year starts to set in, we begin to fall asleep with our bodies tightly together, holding you in my arms. Just as sleep begins to take over, I kiss the back of your neck and whisper, "I love you, dingleberry". You shrug in my arms and say, "I love you too, poophead". When I wake up, I'm sweating and far too hot. My eyes are still adjusting as the noise of the fan shuts out the sound of my ringing cell phone. In an instant, my eyes shoot open as I look beside me to see a small, empty bed. I see my bedroom in my parent's house. I pick up my phone and ignore the friend calling me. I read the date on the display," August 12th, 2007". I sit back and light a cigarette. I think to myself, "Maybe if we don't find each other now, we will some day...but I don't want to waste all that time. I don't want to miss all the birthdays, holidays and anniversaries. I want to make them count". Just then, my phone rings again. I look and see your name appear. I answer and I ask, "Will you see me today?" You hesitate a moment and reply, "Meet me at the school yard". As I make the drive, I think to myself, "Fate is only opportunity. It is what you do with it, that makes it destiny." © Mick Barrett 2007 Tags: short story
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"Remember Erin" O Lord, let thy hand protect the one I love and may sweet Erin know me as her son Shy not away from the sword or the dove o'er the fields of ancient battles lost and won O Lord, protect her children wherever they are and let them think of her with love and pride let her speak to them however near or far and remind them to always be by her side May her circled crosses and leafy rocks be symbols of what she is and where she stands and may all of the children of her emerald lochs live by the crown, heart and hands Ne'er forget her warriors of woad with swords drawn to fight threats unseen Ne'er forget the rifles of those betrothed Their freedom or death in Nineteen Sixteen © Mick Barrett 2007 Tags: ireland
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I just did a little tweaking to my story here in class. For those willing, do you think you could read both and tell me which you like better. They're not much different, but I organized the endings a little differently and tried to use fresher words
Trip to Syracuse University
I opened my eyes. The room was illuminated in a blinking red light, revealing the shapes and objects and then hiding them again to an electric red beat. I slowly sat up as the spiders crawled around the cobwebs of my mind. My feet searched for solid ground beside the bed, finding only a pond of blinking red water. Looking above the bed, on the flashing rouge wall, a face in pain gazed at me. Beating crimson poured down his bearded face and when he looked at me, I felt a sudden calm. I collected a deep breath. Then I leapt forward.
I fell for moments until my feet splashed against the cold, wet pond. As I had hoped, my feet stood firmly on the water. I looked back to the wall where the man with the bearded face seemed to wink at me. I nodded back at his rhythmic winking and continued with my miracle. After many moments of traveling on the aquatic floor, I noticed a clear chalice lying on its side. I realized then I had been walking on the crimson spillage from the cup of life. A sudden calm took me over as my feet found solid ground.
I walked from the holy room and continued through a labyrinth of corridors leading me to another chamber filled with my friends. Smiles seemed to break free of their lips at the sight of me. My head jerked to the left as a portal of light burst into existence and an angry girl began screaming. Her screams prompted our group to collect our things and venture through the light filled portal. Each of my three friends made their way through with ease as the angry girl pursued them. I hesitated for a moment, contemplating where this rip in space and time would lead me. The face of the screaming girl once again penetrated the rift. She looked at me and took notice of my anxiety. She spoke to me in a softer voice and her words reverberated in my ears. "It's time for you to go.”
The words transcended my fear and her voice was much more familiar. I took a breath and held it, feeling my body inflate and my heart race. I stepped into the light and was transported to a realm of cold and bright sensations. Immediately, the girl shut the portal and I made my way to a car. Inside, my friends were speaking and discussing the details of events I had no recollection of. I felt the car begin to move and my gaze was transfixed on the atmosphere outside the safety of the car. Music began to surround me, mixing with the elements of the outside world. I felt my body getting heavy, probably the result of achieving such an inconceivable speed. I closed my eyes and drifted away from all the alien images blurring past. The last discernable image I made out was a sign with blurred words thanking me.
I woke up in time to notice the I-79 sign zooming by outside. Jeff and Brendan sat beside me, both with their eyes shut, apparently sleeping. In front of me, an unusually silent Dan drummed his fingers against the window to the beat of the song pumping through the speakers. My attention turned to the driver. Josh, with weary eyes, paid full attention to the road ahead and breathed a small sigh of relief as a green sign appeared on the horizon. As the sign and its figures grew, I realized we were only miles away from Pittsburgh. Try as I did, I still couldn't remember much about our trip to Syracuse University except a few broken memories of a house party on campus. I could remember meeting a very attractive girl and her inviting me into her room. As I had left, Jeff had put something in my hand and told me to take it. Trusting Jeff, I swallowed it down with a sip my half-drunk beer and followed the girl. The last memory I had before waking up in the car was being unsettled by the icon hanging above her bed and wondering why the face of her alarm clock was blinking. I began to feel light headed and dropped the drink on her carpet. She began screaming as I sat on the bed trying to shake off the dizziness. She ran out of the room angrily as I laid down, wondering what exactly I had swallowed.
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Trip to S.U. I opened my eyes. The room was illuminated in a blinking red light, revealing the shapes and objects and then hiding them again to an electric red beat. I removed the seven layers of covers on my body and, as the spiders crawled around the cobwebs of my mind, my feet searched for solid ground beside the bed, finding only a pond of blinked red water. Looking above my bed, on the blinking red wall, a face in pain looked at me. Blinking crimson poured down his bearded face and when he looked at me, I felt a sudden calm and leapt. I fell for moments until my feet splashed against the cold, wet pond. As I had hoped, my feet stood firmly on the water. I looked back to the wall where the man with the bearded face seemed to wink at me. I nodded back at his rhythmic winking and continued with my miracle. After many moments of traveling on the aquatic floor, I noticed a clear chalice laying on its side. I realized then I had been walking on the crimson spillage from the cup of life. A sudden calm took me over as my feet found solid ground. I walked from the holy room and continued through a labyrinth of corridors leading me to a room filled with my friends. Smiles seemed to break free of their lips as we grabbed suitcases, filled with the various objects we had collected along our journey. My head jerked to the left as a portal of light burst into existence and an angry man began screaming. His screams prompted our group to collect our things and venture through the light filled portal. Each of my three friends made their way through with ease. I hesitated for a moment, contemplating where this rip in space and time would lead me. The face of the screaming man once again penetrated the rift. He looked at me and took notice of my anxiety. He spoke to me in a softer voice and his words reverberated in my ears. "It's time to go, brother. Time to go home." The words transcended my fear and his voice was much more familiar. I took a breath and held it, feeling my body inflate and my heart race. I stepped into the light and was transported to a realm of cold and bright sensations. Immediately, the man shut the portal and led me to a car. Inside, my friends were speaking and discussing the details of events I had no recollection of. I felt the car begin to move and my gaze was transfixed on the atmosphere outside the safety of the car. Music began to surround me, mixing with the elements of the outside world. I felt my body getting heavy, probably the result of entering such an inconceivable speed. I closed my eyes and drifted away from all the alien images blurring past. The last discernable image I made out was a sign with blurred words and I only could make out "Thank York". * * * I woke up in the time to notice the I-79 sign zooming by outside. Jeff and Brendan sat beside me, both with their eyes shut, apparently sleeping. In front of me, an unusually silent Dan drummed his fingers against the window to the beat of the song pumping through the speakers. My attention turned to the driver. Josh, with weary eyes, paid full attention to the road ahead and breathed a small sigh of relief as a green sign appeared on the horizon. As the sign and it's figures grew, I realized we were only miles away from Pittsburgh. Try as I did, I still couldn't remember much about our trip to Syracuse University. I remembered a little about a girl I met and going back to her house for a party with my friends. I dropped a drink on the carpet of her bedroom floor. She got very angry and ran out of the room. I can remember feeling light-headed and laying down, thinking about how I had messed it up and that now my friends would be the ones not sleeping alone. I closed my eyes and began to wonder what it was Jeff had given me before her and I left the party. I opened my eyes to see a crucifix hanging on the wall above the bed. I turned on my side to avoid looking at the icon; as well as to avert my eyes from the blinking red alarm clock sitting on her nightstand. It was already early in the morning, but a quick nap seemed like a good idea. Tags: short story
Current Location: home
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A Short Story He sat on the couch in the living room of the apartment, his jet black hair escaping in various places from under his baseball cap. He gave due attention to the beer in his hand, as he quietly observed the others around him. The television across from him was on, some sitcom rerun, but the sound of it was drown out by the music pumping out of the stereo. To his left, the window revealed a dark, cold world outside of the apartment. The party was being held to celebrate winter break, and the return of the various friends from college. “Amazing,” he thought as he took another gulp of his beer, “How do all these people fit in this tiny shit hole.” As he enjoyed his short respite from the social activity, sitting alone on the couch, his mind wandered around the apartment. To his right, two guys were playing beer pong with their respective girlfriends for teammates. In the kitchen, three more, two guys and a chick were chatting about random topics in between beer bongs. Down the hallway in the bedrooms, six or seven people we’re in the first passing a pipe amongst themselves. In the other, another couple were enjoying their isolation in a different way. Same for the two in the bathroom. “Fucking people,” he thought to himself. He’d been sitting on the couch for about fifteen minutes. As always, it seemed as though no one noticed him unless he would butt his way into a conversation or if someone needs a cigarette. “Murphy!”, one beautiful girl yelled as she entered the apartment with her friend. He raised his eyes from his beer, to see the five-six, hundred and five pound bombshell walk through the door. Before he could raise himself off the couch, she jumped onto the couch and him. She wrapped her arms around him and gave him a peck on the cheek. Murphy hadn’t seen her in months. She was only an hour’s drive away, but she was always so busy with school that she never seemed to have time to even get a bite to eat with him. Whatever spare time she had, she made sure to spend it with her boyfriend. He resented her for it, both for the time she didn’t spend with him as well as the taste in man she had, but despite his attempts to show the same disregard for her, he still loved her. They had been friends for nearly six years, and she had been there for him more than almost any other person. “That’s what I call a greeting,” he said as he slid out a Camel and squeezed it between his lips. After lighting the cigarette, he swallowed the rest of the beer in his can and rested it in between his legs. One of the girls that walked in with her made her way to the kitchen and shouted, “Kat, want one?” holding up a beer. “Make it two,” Murphy said, as he flicked the ash of his cigarette into his now empty beer can. “Sure,” she replied with a bit of a hiss. She handed one to Kat, now reclining on the couch, her head resting on the arm of the couch and her legs on his lap, spread enough so that he could still ash into the can between her jeans. Lisa tossed the other can to Murphy. Though the whole exchange seemed innocent enough, he knew that she tossed the can with a slight whip to it, another subtle way of saying, “You don’t belong here”. Murphy was used to these signals from people. The only reason he was here was because Luke had invited him. They only tolerated Murphy because of the respect they had for Luke. “Murphy O’Conner,” the words came out of Kat’s mouth and resonated through his head, “How’s my favorite Irishman”. “Can’t complain,” he said as he took another drag of his cigarette, “How’s my favorite mutt?” he replied, poking fun at her mixed background of nearly every European culture, while he wore his Irish heritage on his sleeve. “I could be better. Me and Daniel had another argument.” she replied, her eyes glancing down to the cold beer she had in her hand, still unopened. She lifted her eyes, her head gentling resting on the arm of the couch. Murphy felt a chill go down his spine. Every time she did that, it caught him off guard. “How’s Kate?” she asked. The question that always made his blood boil. Murphy and Kate had been together almost as long as her and Creep, a nickname Murphy maliciously bestowed upon Daniel Murphy, both because of his disdain for Creep’s character as well as having to explain to everyone that Murphy was his first name and that there was no relation between the two. “She’s good. She couldn’t make it out for the party. Her winter break doesn’t start for another week.” His eyes diverted from her hypnotizing stare to his beer, which he drank nearly half of before sucking on his cigarette again. Nearly six years of friendship, and he still got as nervous as he did the first time he met her on the school bus in high school. In his mind, Murphy knew all the reasons he shouldn’t be here. It was closing in on midnight and the party was far too loud. Though it was few and far between that the police were called to the apartment, a party this big would almost certainly result in a knock at the door from a cop. There were only three people there legally allowed to be drinking, not to mention the pot and cocaine that were sure to be in that back bedroom. There was also the fact that the only people that wanted him there were Luke and Kat, and knowing the others were just placating him for Luke’s sake inspired a puking sensation in his stomach. The only reason he showed up for the party, was because Luke had mentioned among the people supposed to show up was Kat. Despite them both being in relationships, Murphy could not deny to himself the way he felt about Kat. Just having her next to him made all his previous anxiety about being there disappear. All he could focus on was that paralyzing gaze she innocently gave him. Though Creep was an addict and a cheater, Kat constantly made excuses for him. “Stockholm Syndrome at it’s best,” Murphy thought, trying to rationalize why she wanted Creep and not himself. Since the day they met, Murphy and Kat had always had something between them. Poor decisions on his part early in their friendship prevented them from ever starting something. Decisions Murphy had regretted for the last couple years, even though he had found Kate. Though he hadn’t admitted to anyone, including Kat, Murphy originally started dating Kate only months after the end of a messy relationship and the beginning of Kat and Creep’s to fill the void he felt from both events. “So, how long are you going to be here tonight?” he asked her, his eyes still focused on anything but her own. “Not sure. I didn’t drive and my parents think I’m getting home tomorrow night”. She opened her beer and took a drink. Though she tried to hide it, Murphy could tell she didn’t like the taste. “I know it sucks but it gets you drunk,” he said. Her face blushed slightly as a small smile appeared on her face. It always amazed her how well Murphy could notice even the smallest things. For a moment, they both exhaled simultaneously and looked down at their beers, not knowing what to say. Awkward silences had become a normal part of their face to face encounters, which was a rarity anymore. Murphy finished his cigarette and as he dropped it into the can, a group of people from the back bedroom entered. A few coughs and half closed eyelids testified to the group’s activities. Murphy watched as some of those who entered the living room observed the position in which Kat and Murphy were situated on the couch. “Fuckers need to mind their business,” he thought to himself. Murphy already had about five beers, not counting any he drank from a game of beer pong and was starting to feel a buzz. He decided he wanted to talk about things in a private setting, and since Luke’s room was now free he suggested to Kat they go there and catch up. She agreed and despite being followed by every pair of eyes in the room, they walked back there, each with a new beer in hand. They sat down on the couch against the wall in the room, the stench of marijuana hung in the air. While Murphy took in the environment of the room, Kat sat down on the couch. Murphy took the cue from her and sat down, as far as he could possibly sit from her. She popped the tab on the new can and started drinking her beer, while Murphy sat his down on a stool next to a pipe and rolling paper, now dormant. Kat set her beer down beside his and in the process slid over to sit closer to him. Murphy took a noticeable deep breath, as he prepared himself to speak. As he lifted his head to hers to speak, he was caught off guard by his lips coming in contact with hers. Her soft, tender lips pushed onto his, separating them. The euphoria rushed over Murphy. It had been so long since they last kissed, he had forgotten how wonderful it was. Their arms wrapped around one another, logic succumbing to passion. She started to push her weight forward, and his back began lowering to the couch. Just as he felt cushion hitting his back, the logic rushed back. Kate. Creep. Six years of missed opportunities. Murphy put his hands on her shoulder’s and gently pushed her off of him, almost reluctantly. Her eyes opened and he could see the shock and rejection in her eyes, though she did her best to hide it. “We can’t do this, not like this”. His words whispered out of his mouth and all the deceit he possessed could not hide that he was saying something that betrayed his true feelings. “Look, I want this. You know I want this. Not like this, though. For six years, I’ve watched us miss each other time and time again.” His words spewed out of his mouth, like the water breaking through a dam that has been pent up for far too long. “If this is something you want, especially as much as me, then we have to do it right. I will tell Kate. It’s always been you”. Kat stared across the room as if it extended for miles like a never ending desert. Murphy waited for a response, his heart hanging in the air. As far as Murphy was concerned, he had just gambled the only remaining thing in his life that felt even slightly right. Kat’s eyes started to well a bit. She squeezed her eye lids to hold in the emotional response to his words. It was a rare moment for Murphy to be completely unaware of the possible thoughts running through another person’s mind. His inability to predict her response only made his chest tighten more, awaiting some kind of vocal response. Kat tried speaking, but could not find the words she wanted. Finally, she stood up and left the room quickly, almost running. Murphy dropped his face into his hands and closed his eyes, feeling a rejection he had known so many times before. After a few moments, he heard the door to the apartment close. He estimated Kat and her friends had left, undeniably because of him. With one hand he reached into his pocket for his cigarettes and lighter and the other to grab her half finished beer. Murphy gulped down the beer and lit another cigarette. His mind jumped from the pain and rejection he was feeling to realizing how his actions would alienate the others in the apartment trying to have a good time. “I’m on a fucking roll”, he thought to himself as he reached for his unopened beer. His hand diverted and instead wrapped around the pipe, which still had enough of the substance left in it. He grabbed his lighter, still laying on his lap. He put out his cigarette and put the glass to his mouth. Murphy applied the flame of his lighter to the pipe and felt the smoke hit his lungs. He began to cough as he felt it wash over him. He felt tears welling inside of him, wanting to burst out, half from the coughing fit and half from everything he was feeling. His thoughts turned to leaving the party as his lighter lit up again. No one in the apartment was capable of driving, including himself. For a moment, he considered taking the chance of driving himself, not concerned with his own well being, but that idea was quickly washed away by the thought of destroying some family because of his own selfish actions. “No more drama tonight,” he whispered to himself, cleaning the pipe with one final pull. Though the thought of finishing off the night in a way that felt appropriate, he pulled himself together as best he could. He exited the room to find a living room completely oblivious to him or anything that just transpired. Another game of beer pong was looking to begin, and he invited himself to play. A small smile crept over his face as he begin to play and talk as if nothing happened at all. “Act as fake as those around me,” he replayed over and over in his head. It was the only existence he knew. No one there cared to know how he felt or why Kat left so suddenly, her friends chasing her out the door. It was all about having fun to them. Murphy wished he could do the same, but all he could do was fake it, as he tossed the white sphere towards the cups at the other end of the table. “I guess this is being normal,” he thought, as he dropped the ball into one of the cups. He gave a high-five to his partner, as if he didn’t have a care in the world. “Another night of pretending. Tomorrow’s another day of tedium. No drama. This is life,” he thought, as he picked up his cup, removed the ball and let the alcohol pour down his throat. He took the unlit cigarette from behind his ear and put it to his mouth. The flame of his lighter burned the soft tobacco and filled his lungs as he picked up the ping pong ball and took aim. Tags: short story
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